Why, After 6 Years of Celebrating, My Partner and I Are Boycotting Valentine’s Day

For the previous six years, my accomplice and I’ve tried to do Valentine’s Day “proper”: We’ve gone all-in with considerate (but expensive) presents, overpriced dinners booked weeks prematurely, and {couples} massages that felt like a pressured try at rest. Primarily, all of the hoopla that, whereas by no means fairly us, appeared like what we had been speculated to do as a dedicated couple. However this 12 months, we’re ditching all of it and we’re celebrating our romance the way in which we do all different 364 days: with no plans.

The entire anti-Valentine’s Day schtick would possibly sound overplayed. However earlier than you write us off as two bitter cynics too lazy or coldhearted to make an effort, hear me out: Deep down, I’m a hopeless romantic. I am keen on sentimental surprises and any excuse to remind my accomplice how a lot he means to me. And there is one thing magical about setting apart someday simply to understand your family members with cute, over-the-top clichés.

However as my buddies excitedly mapped out their elaborate February plans this 12 months, I couldn’t assist however marvel why the considered making my very own stuffed me with dread—and I’m certain I’m not the one one who’s feeling fatigued. For many people, what began as a candy excuse to get additional affectionate with our SOs become an unstated take a look at of how properly we might nail the proper date.

For those who ask me, a part of the blame falls on good ol’ capitalism, which places extra give attention to proving your love along with your pockets—assume lavish presents, exorbitant prix fixe dinners, and Instagrammable bouquets—than real, heartfelt moments. To not point out, the stress to go above and past on one designated, high-stakes day turns Valentine’s into extra of an obligation than a joyful, genuine celebration.

Whereas I’ve undoubtedly leaned into the extravagance earlier than, I can’t ignore that it typically felt like a hole efficiency—exhibiting off to the world what I used to be doing, the place I used to be consuming, how a lot I used to be spending. Merely put, this vacation (meant to remind me of how liked I’m) ended up making me really feel the exact opposite: pressured, anxious, and oddly disconnected.

Perhaps it’s additionally as a result of I’ve realized my favourite moments of our relationship occur organically within the quiet, unfiltered components of our life. Like once we randomly stumble right into a no-name café and yap about the whole lot and nothing, as an example; once we’re sprawled on the sofa in sweats, streaming reruns of Love It or Checklist It and scarfing down takeout straight from the container; or when he surprises me with Uber Eats or roses on a random Tuesday—simply because he was pondering of me, not as a result of some vacation is telling him to.

It’s these components of our relationship—the unglamorous, non-performative ones—which have made me really feel most linked in our six years collectively. Not the “fanciest” eating places that don’t measure as much as our true faves (Chipotle and Cheesecake Manufacturing unit). Not the sappy social media posts that includes the only a few pictures we now have collectively (particularly since my accomplice barely even makes use of it). And undoubtedly not Valentine’s Day, which is why we’re boycotting the vacation altogether—and I’m inviting you to think about doing the identical.