What’s a Solo Honeymoon? How to Travel Alone for Self-Discovery

When my fiancé obtained down on one knee final summer season, I had no thought the whirlwind of marriage ceremony planning that awaited us. Though we opted for the non-traditional, micro-wedding route (whats up Airbnb), the stress of planning any occasion is sufficient for me to jet off to an island the place decision-making frenzies are 1000’s of miles away. As a substitute of reserving a {couples}’ retreat, although, I packed my luggage for a solo honeymoon in Hawaii. Sure, you learn that accurately. Whereas most {couples} plan honeymoons collectively after saying their “I do’s,” I made a decision this was the right alternative to reconnect with myself earlier than committing to a lifetime with another person, and my husband—then fiancé—totally supported me.

Positive, the idea of a “solomoon,” aka a solo honeymoon, felt radical at first, however I additionally knew it could be a refreshing likelihood to floor myself and consider my priorities. “Taking time to go on a solomoon is an excellent option to set the tone for an interdependent marriage, the place each persons are prioritizing themselves as people,” says Morgan Anderson, PhD, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach. “Self-care is not egocentric. If you take time to hook up with your self, you might be additionally doing the proper factor on your marriage.”

So, what occurred after I intentionally selected to journey sans fiancé a couple of months earlier than assembly him on the altar? I knew taking a solo honeymoon was going to be fulfilling mentally and emotionally, however my precise expertise was transformative in a method I wasn’t anticipating, getting ready me to indicate up for my husband and our marriage as the perfect model of myself.

Associated Tales

Why I went on a solomoon

Bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette events, babymoons, and conventional honeymoons all have a good time completely different shared milestones—getting married to your companion, welcoming a brand new life into the world, and beginning a brand new chapter in a relationship. A solomoon, nonetheless, is a singular pre- (or generally post-) marriage ceremony retreat devoted solely to your self. It is an opportunity to pause, mirror, and make sure you’re bringing your finest self into your new marriage.

“Getting away and experiencing the liberty of touring solo after declaring your union is a singular and controversial method of celebrating your marriage ceremony,” says Doni Belau, journey professional and founding father of Ladies Information to the World, a company that curates group journey journeys for girls. The controversy right here, after all, being that persons are usually skeptical once they hear somebody is occurring a solo honeymoon as a result of they really feel that touring with out your companion foreshadows issues in your marriage. “Nonetheless, a pre-wedding solo journey is usually a fantastic option to solidify who you might be and what you want personally to really feel robust and impartial whereas on the identical time being a part of a unit constructed on togetherness and compromise,” Belau provides. In reality, a 2023 research¹ discovered that spending time away out of your companion helps cut back total ranges of stress, whereas a 2021 research² by the identical writer discovered that adults who frolicked in solitude reported extra intrapersonal progress.

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people usually are not ‘ending’ when getting married.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people usually are not ‘ending’ when getting married,” says Anderson. “You will need to notice that in a wholesome marriage, each the wants of the person and the wedding are prioritized.” In fact, solo journeys for self-discovery are nothing new. Many journey corporations even cater completely to solo journeys for girls, based on Belau. A survey of Gen Z ladies by StudentUniverse additionally revealed that over half (58.3 %) of respondents are eager on touring overseas alone. Their high causes? Empowerment and private progress. Mix that with analysis displaying that constructing your personal happiness results in extra pleasure in relationships, and I used to be all in.

What occurs on a solo honeymoon?

My solo honeymoon to Hawaii was every thing I dreamed a pre-wedding escape can be. Whereas my soon-to-be husband held down the fort again in Colorado, I spent the week indulging in personal yoga courses, soaking in sizzling springs surrounded by greenery, and having fun with blissful afternoons full of spontaneous adventures and self-reflection. On Lanai, it’s regular to go on an extended hike and never run right into a single particular person. One of many smallest of Hawaii’s islands, Lanai is dwelling to solely 3,300 residents (in comparison with its neighbor Maui’s 166,000). Regardless of being 98 % owned by a tech billionaire, it’s a spot that adheres tightly to its just about untouched lifestyle. After visiting, I perceive why it fights to remain this fashion.

However my journey didn’t begin off fully picturesque. Earlier than I boarded my second flight of the day—a small eight-passenger plane from Oahu to Lanai—my coronary heart raced, and the stark actuality of being alone hit me onerous. Instantly, I used to be pressured to confront my flight nervousness alone. In my view, flying is all the time simpler with a companion—somebody to look at your baggage whilst you go to the toilet, somebody to assist calm pre-flight jitters. So, at first, I used to be hesitant to welcome the “alonement,” a time period coined by writer Francesca Specter as “the state of being alone.” (And the science provides up: an over-active nervous system can dysregulate the physique, based on a 2018 research³.) Why could not I simply maintain my husband’s hand like I usually do on flights?

Because the flight ready for takeoff, I had two choices: to run away from the feeling or to really feel it. I selected the latter; I remembered my coping abilities. “Oh, I get anxious earlier than flying. This isn’t new.” Being alone in new conditions has an unbelievable method of unveiling our interior strengths. When issues go awry, we are able to mirror on our resilience; we study to belief ourselves; we study we are able to overcome nearly something. So, after a number of minutes of teaching myself by means of the flight, we landed in Lanai and I breathed a sigh of reduction, the primary of many throughout my solo honeymoon.

Solo journey: embracing the final word type of self-care in Hawaii

Sensei Lānaʻi—certainly one of two 4 Seasons resorts on the island—gives all of the hallmarks of an expensive retreat: state-of-the-art spa hales, personal onsen gardens for soaking, and even a signature restaurant by Nobu. Actually, I felt fairly badass being the one particular person eating at a five-star resort one evening. However the resort’s clientele, myself included, aren’t right here for the fluff. We come for individualized teaching as a part of an ultra-customized wellness expertise.

My fiancé is an avid mountaineer whereas I’m a slow-flow yoga trainer. On this journey, I took full benefit of the resort’s choices. It’s not that I didn’t miss him (perhaps distance actually does make the guts develop fonder); quite, I used to be utilizing this time to faucet into my interior self, to remind myself of who I’m. I even labored with a mindset specialist to refine my breathwork approach—inhaling by means of the nostril and exhaling slowly by means of the mouth, extending the exhale by an additional depend or two. “Breathe in for 4 counts and exhale for six,” my sensei information, Lydia, instructed me throughout certainly one of these therapeutic breathwork periods.

I opened as much as Lydia about my stress ranges (Why is chopping your visitor checklist so onerous?) and well being considerations. The subsequent day, I used to be booked for a personal yin yoga class that targets leisure and digestion. As I settled into baby’s pose and felt the soothing contact of my yoga trainer soften away stress in my hips, I couldn’t assist however suppose I had completely hacked learn how to honeymoon alone. I felt centered, relaxed, and in tune with myself in a method I would not have been in a position to obtain at dwelling or touring with another person.

For the primary time, I had totally tapped into a way of self-reliance. The quiet solitude of the island helped me confront pre-wedding anxieties head-on and develop new coping methods, like breathwork. I discovered peace and contentment by myself, which, satirically, made me really feel much more ready for marriage. This solo journey proved that self-care isn’t nearly bubble baths—it’s a relationship superpower. As somebody with a observe report of codependence, this was notably transformative. By nurturing my very own id, I found that I can convey my full, genuine self into our relationship with out getting misplaced within the combine. This newfound readability has set the stage for a stronger, extra fulfilling bond with my companion.

Why you must take into account taking your self on a solo honeymoon

Marriage is a life stage that includes redefining your boundaries as you develop nearer to your partner. I discovered spending devoted time alone in the course of the engagement was essential to reflecting on this transition from singlehood to marriage, and actually defining what a union means to me. Whereas it could appear lavish to some, my solo honeymoon journey to Hawaii wasn’t about luxurious or distance—although, it is completely positive to deal with your self to an opulent getaway if that is what’s fulfilling for you. My solomoon was about introspection and connection. It was the impartial time and connection to my breath that made all of the distinction—not the palm timber and salty ocean waves—and also you don’t must journey to a luxe vacation spot to expertise that in the event you’re contemplating a solo honeymoon.

“When every particular person deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it offers the wedding the perfect likelihood at thriving.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach

Whether or not you journey to a distant island, a bustling metropolis, or a quiet retreat, what you are taking away from the expertise is extra essential than the place you might be. So, in the event you’re engaged, newly married, or simply want a possibility to mirror exterior of your relationship, take into account a bit of solo journey to ease your thoughts. It may be troublesome to take time away out of your companion, particularly in the event you aren’t used to being aside. Though my companion is completely my finest pal, touring solo allowed me to reconnect with myself, away from each day distractions and the expectations of others. I discovered that private pleasure and readability come from inside, not from exterior experiences. I gained a deeper appreciation for myself and for the form of partnership, I needed to construct. And the expertise as an entire strengthened the concept that happiness in a relationship is not nearly shared experiences—it is also essential to seek out pleasure by yourself.

The thought of solo journey on your well being and the well being of your relationship resonates personally with Belau. “Exploring the world and chasing new experiences is a part of my DNA, so I must journey greater than [my husband] does,” she shares. Belau additionally reminisces about how she and her husband would take turns giving one another solo journeys whereas elevating their youngsters, which helped them return dwelling refreshed and excited to reconnect. This steadiness of independence and togetherness has been important for maintaining their relationship robust and vibrant, she provides.

In the event you’re nonetheless hesitant a couple of solo honeymoon, Anderson suggests attending to the foundation of your fears. For these afraid of maintaining the reference to their companion alive whereas they’re aside, Anderson recommends “connection rituals” like nightly FaceTime calls or good morning texts. She additionally advocates for utilizing this time to discover private pursuits. “Think about visiting a contemporary artwork museum that your companion won’t take pleasure in,” says Anderson. “That is your likelihood to bask in experiences that actually resonate with you.”

What I discovered on my pre-wedding solo honeymoon

A solo honeymoon is a chance to overlook your companion, rekindle your sense of self, and return to your relationship with a refreshed perspective. Plus, it supplies the right alternative to write down your vows with out distraction, which I positively took benefit of.

For me, this solo journey was additionally a symbolic passage, marking the final time I traveled with my maiden identify. It was a last homage to my roots earlier than embracing the brand new title of “spouse.” Whereas a solo journey could appear indulgent, it’s in the end an funding in your well-being and the well being of your future marriage. “Spending time aside earlier than your marriage permits every particular person to reconnect to themselves and tune into their very own wants,” explains Anderson. “When every particular person deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it offers the wedding the perfect likelihood at thriving.”

Now that I’m dwelling from my solomoon, I really feel extra prepared than ever for this subsequent chapter of my life, decision-making frenzies and all. My husband and I are jetting off to South Africa for our precise honeymoon—a journey I can’t wait to embark on collectively. Within the meantime, I’m reminding myself that these journeys are about extra than simply journey; they’re about creating reminiscences, deepening connections, and laying the muse for a lifetime of adventures.