Expensive Meredith,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for greater than three years. Within the first two years of our relationship, there have been points with infidelity that prompted us to take a six-month break, however we in the end acquired again collectively.
As a consequence of these points, my boundaries with friendships (what I imagine is OK/not OK inside opposite-sex friendships) have modified. Now I imagine it’s inappropriate to spend time alone with any new associates or coworkers of the alternative intercourse except it’s work-related. Previous associates from childhood or earlier than we met I don’t care, but when he acquired dinner or watched a film alone with a brand new feminine good friend he met at work/gymnasium/wherever, I’d suppose that’s inappropriate. I additionally imagine that any messaging with new opposite-sex associates/coworkers ought to be well mannered {and professional}.
Just lately, I found he has a coworker whom he messages every day in what I’d think about flirty undertones (filled with emojis, gifs, “heyyyyy”). They even have cutesy nicknames for one another. My boyfriend thinks that is regular as a result of he says she doesn’t imply something to him and they’re simply being pleasant. After I requested him if he may attempt to talk together with her extra professionally, he refused.
He says my boundaries are too strict and that I’m being controlling. I don’t imagine I’m, particularly due to what occurred in our relationship. Nevertheless, I’m now questioning my very own opinion as a result of it’s true that earlier than we broke up, these conditions in all probability would have made me uncomfortable, however I wouldn’t have mentioned something except I knew one thing bodily truly occurred. Apart from this challenge with boundaries, the whole lot else is nice and we’re very appropriate. He has been speaking to me about getting engaged someday this yr, and if it weren’t for this challenge, I’d be ecstatic.
Nevertheless, I’m having doubts as a result of from my perspective, why would I marry somebody who can’t even be bothered to tone down their communication with a coworker who doesn’t imply something to them, understanding how a lot it bothers me? I simply wish to know if I’m being too controlling. I don’t wish to destroy an incredible relationship and a possible life companion if I’m truly the one with loopy guidelines and limits. Thanks.
– Unreasonable Boundaries