Assembly somebody new might be thrilling—a lot so that you just catch your self daydreaming in regards to the relationship earlier than it’s even begun. You barely know them, but you’re already fast-forwarding to your imagined compatibility, obsessing over your potential as an influence couple, and embracing fluttery, heart-racing sensations as if, after one or two dates, you’re in love.
That early, all-consuming infatuation may sound just like the type of romance you see in fairytales. Usually, although, what you’re extra seemingly experiencing is “limerence.” “It isn’t simply having a crush,” Hasti Afkhami, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based mostly psychotherapist at Bustan Remedy, tells SELF. “It is like a full physique, full mind phenomenon, the place you may have hopes, fears, fantasies—a really biochemical craving with numerous highs and lows.” Basically, you’re not in love with the particular person you simply met; you’re drawn to the concept of them.
Within the whirlwind of early attraction, limerence can look rather a lot like what tacky (and sometimes unrealistic) rom-coms promote as “love at first sight.” Nevertheless, consultants say this differs from true, wholesome, and reciprocal love that grows from truly figuring out one another—not projecting your beliefs onto a promising crush. Listed here are the most important warning indicators of limerence to look out for.
1. You instantly put them on a pedestal.
Chances are high, you most likely aren’t “in love” with somebody you’ve solely gone on one date with. And if you don’t have a lot actual details about who they’re, it’s straightforward to fill within the blanks with fantasies—imagining their persona, intentions, or emotional depth based mostly on little or no proof.
“Basically, you’re idolizing them and seeing them as good,” Afkhami says, which might blind you from their flaws or pink flags. Perhaps you’re satisfied you’re particular simply because they double-texted. Otherwise you’re deeply invested within the thought of an elaborate Valentine’s Day date, whereas ignoring the truth that they’ve been supplying you with the naked minimal. In these moments of limerence, you’re hooked up to who you assume they’re, not who they really are.
2. You’re drawn to the chase.
One of many hallmarks of limerence is that it thrives on uncertainty. “Inconsistent suggestions, for instance, typically exacerbates limerence,” Silva Depanian, LMFT, a Los Angeles-based therapist at Avedian Counseling Heart, tells SELF. You don’t fairly know the place you stand, whether or not they such as you again, or how issues will end up—which is why you is perhaps extra drawn to somebody once they draw back, and even lose curiosity as soon as they reciprocate your emotions.