Love is Blind is an unconventional solution to discover a companion, to say the least. If you happen to’re not aware of the premise of Netflix’s hit actuality collection, singles rely completely on their communication abilities and instincts to decide on who they’ll marry—since they will’t bodily see one another. Naturally, this pushes some individuals to get artistic in determining who’s proper for them, however one contestant’s relationship technique in season seven (launched on October 2) didn’t precisely go over properly.
Within the sixth episode, Nick Dorka reveals he unintentionally found a bullet-point record of all his pink flags written by his very personal fiancée, Hannah Jiles. Whereas we, the viewers, don’t get to see what Jiles wrote, Dorka says the be aware included issues like, “too into his emotions?,” “mature?,” “self-confidence vs. cocky.” “I’m like, Why would you write that down and never discuss to me?” he vents to his mates on the present. “This isn’t only one bullet level. That is 10.”
In fact, studying a catalog of all the things that’s (supposedly) fallacious with you’ll be able to’t really feel good. (If you happen to’re interested by what occurs to the couple, Jiles and Dorka find yourself speaking issues out…however we gained’t spoil the remaining). Nonetheless, the entire scenario acquired us questioning: Was Jiles’s record merciless or really sort of genius?
Provided that Love is Blind contestants have so little time to attach, it’s comprehensible that they may need to actually dig into their companion’s character and be additional discerning, Molly Burrets, PhD, a Los Angeles–primarily based psychologist and adjunct professor on the College of Southern California’s Division of Marriage and Household Remedy, tells SELF.
“Within the present, these persons are making maybe the largest choice of their lives: selecting who to marry,” Dr. Burrets says. However as a result of they will’t lean on bodily attraction or shared experiences (they’re primarily strangers), preserving monitor of attainable dealbreakers might make it simpler for the contestants to find out who they’re (or aren’t) suitable with.
And Jiles’s technique could also be helpful for real-life relationship too, Dr. Burrets provides. For instance, taking (literal) notes of any troubling traits may give you a much-needed actuality verify throughout the contemporary, thrilling honeymoon part. “Within the very starting, individuals are typically so wrapped up within the thrill of romance that they ignore warning indicators,” she explains—which is why this record can present readability when feelings is perhaps clouding your judgment.
Additionally, being practical about your companion’s limitations “can assist you make sensible and knowledgeable choices about main life commitments,” Dr. Burrets says (like getting married, shifting in collectively, or beginning a household). Perhaps their plan to spend the following 5 years touring isn’t going to give you the results you want, because you’re able to quiet down in your hometown, for instance. Contemplating your nonnegotiables—and assessing whether or not this particular person aligns with them—can assist you identify in the event you’re meant to be collectively earlier than you uproot your total life.
So whereas a pink flag record (as imply as it might sound) isn’t essentially horrible and merciless, Dr. Burrets has one main caveat: Fixating solely on somebody’s flaws—with out contemplating their optimistic qualities—is absolutely unfair and unproductive. Any time you make an enormous choice, “you need to have as a lot knowledge as attainable—the professionals and the cons,” she explains. And by ignoring the good things, you’re extra more likely to create a one-sided (and inaccurate) view of a possible match who may really be actually superior.