In response to Epstein, taking just some minutes to establish your particular feelings (and why you’re feeling them) permits you to view your jealousy extra objectively. That means, you’re much less more likely to instantly blame, scold, or decide your accomplice based mostly on a fleeting suspicion. This train may also interrupt the cycle of catastrophic pondering (What in the event that they depart me for his or her ex???) and show you how to mirror on whether or not your emotions of jealousy stem out of your accomplice’s actions or your personal underlying points—like low shallowness or a concern of abandonment lingering out of your final breakup.
2. Truth-check your suspicions.
It’s straightforward to leap to conclusions and spiral into worst-case eventualities when unhealthy jealousy hijacks your ideas. They’re all the time texting somebody…it should be their ex. They laughed at their good friend’s joke however not mine…possibly they’re not into me anymore.
However keep in mind, these assumptions aren’t info: “It is a story your jealousy is telling you,” Alex Ly, LMFT, a therapist based mostly in Fremont, California, tells SELF. That’s why it’s vital to problem your detrimental ideas by specializing in what you really know.
As an illustration, let’s say your accomplice isn’t answering your texts on a Saturday night time. Earlier than you mechanically assume they should be flirting at a bar, take a second to remind your self of the info: They’ve gone out loads of occasions earlier than with none drama, proper? Or, they already gave you a heads-up about being busy, so it’s not like they’re deliberately ignoring you. And realistically: When you’re out having enjoyable together with your buddies, are you glued to your telephone? (In all probability not!)
3. Resist the urge to dig into your accomplice’s previous relationships…
Even when there isn’t any cause to doubt their loyalty, retroactive jealousy (an unhealthy obsession with their earlier romantic relationships) can nonetheless creep in. You may catch your self scrolling so deep into their one-night stand’s Fb that you find yourself on their 2015 posts, or measuring your seems to be and intelligence in opposition to their cool, profitable highschool sweetheart.
Indulging in these jealous behaviors, nevertheless, is a waste of time and power since their previous experiences are up to now for a cause, Ly says. To stop resentment from hijacking your present connection, he recommends setting wholesome boundaries—like blocking or muting their exes on social media to keep away from falling right into a rabbit gap of comparability. You can even politely ask them to not discuss their sexual historical past if you realize that triggers your insecurities. By taking these steps, you possibly can shield your psychological well being and shift your consideration to what’s taking place now, which brings us to our subsequent tip…
4. …and concentrate on what’s going effectively in your relationship, as an alternative.
Somewhat than obsessing over hypothetical what-ifs, Ly recommends redirecting your power in the direction of appreciating the current: “It’s a useful approach to see simply how robust your relationship actually is,” he says—and likewise, how irrational your doubts could also be.