Leaving is commonly made more durable by different cultural messages that mistake endurance with valor. “Many individuals have internalized the idea that staying, no matter emotional price, is a marker of their particular person loyalty or power,” says Pataky. As such, breaking apart after a few years can then really feel like a private failure.
Taken collectively, these beliefs could make it very troublesome to ask the extra significant query concerning the relationship—corresponding to whether or not the connection remains to be nourishing who they’re at this time—not to mention exit it.
The true prices of staying previous the purpose of alignment
Ending a long-term relationship can really feel like “throwing away” years of effort and time. However being in a relationship that not feels aligned with who you might be and what you need can come at the price of your psychological and emotional well-being.
“Staying in a relationship primarily due to what you’ve already sunk into it requires ongoing self-betrayal,” says Pataky. Over time, suppressing your wants, feelings, and internal reality can erode self-trust and self-worth—each of that are foundational to psychological well being. That misalignment between inside expertise (wanting to depart) and exterior actuality (not leaving) also can present up as anxiousness, despair, emotional numbing, or burnout, she says.
Unsatisfactory relationships can develop into extra draining over time, says Heather Shannon, LCPC, CST, a licensed skilled counselor, AASECT-certified intercourse therapist, and host of the Ask a Intercourse Therapist podcast. Stress and resentment usually builds inside relationships pushed by sunk price pondering, which will increase throughout the relationship. Dwelling on this state of heightened pressure can lead individuals to really feel irritable, trapped, and even hopeless, she says.
What else retains individuals in sunk price relationships?
Past sunk price pondering, there are very actual emotional, monetary, and/or logistical components that may make chopping off a relationship sophisticated.
On the emotional entrance, even in case you acknowledge your relationship has handed its expiration, “leaving can really feel destabilizing,” says Hertz. It usually includes confronting emotions of loss, ambiguity, and grief, which all wanted to be attended to, she says.